Christmas Eve.

Home.

The Cinematic Orchestra decorates the time.

Twinkling candlelight decorates the space.

Another home built.

By me.

For me.

For you.

For us.

Together.

Today, whilst sorting through my jewellery, I found the ‘together’ necklace, all dusty. The gold wore off leaving it with an uncertain metallic shade. Just like the uncertain shade of together that I have right now in my heart.

My heart needs violin and piano notes, stillness and dimmed lights, so it can weep in peace.

For it has stood tall and strong for far too long.

My heart is tired.

Of all the sorrow.

Of all the grief.

Of all the battles.

Of all the words spoken.

Of all the words unspoken.

Of all the second-guessing.

Of all the expectations.

Of all the wishful thinking.

My heart wants peace.

My heart wants love.

My heart wants to feel at home.

My heart longs for tenderness. Just a little bit of tenderness.

When my heart feels heavy and weary, I help it come out for air. With gratitude. Because, if it is one thing that I am certain of, that is that I have a lot to be thankful for.

Today, while I was walking through the cold rain, the only thought that came to my mind was that my home is warm and cozy. And that no matter what happens, I can go back home and make it all better. And so I did. After several failed attempts to hang out somewhere around, my steps led me back home with a bunch of yellow tulips. A house with flowers is a happy home.

The ornament with ‘Love!’ found its way in the Christmas tree.

Love is a verb and should be treated as such.

It’s free and vibrant.

It moves.

You.

Me.

Us.

Mountains.

The mountains inside of us.

No love given is wasted.

I feel the breath-taking need to love.

My heart needs it to keep alive.

When my heart loves, everything makes more sense.

The birds sing to the tunes of a string quartet.

The raindrops on my balcony window transform into transparent constellations.

The beat of the drum in jazzy songs aligns with the beats of my heart.

My mind declutters from all the static and all the unnecessary noise.

And there is an unbearable lightness of my being.

My heart loves and is grateful.

My heart is tired and calm.

My heart is curious and excited.

My heart has not forgotten to sigh when it needs to skip a beat. Sometimes beats need to be skipped. For the depth of all that surrounds us not to swallow us whole. Not to swallow me into a hole.

What a peaceful Christmas moment! I pause a bit to be able to live it as it is. I close my sore eyes and let myself be taken with it. Just for a couple of seconds. My fingertips feel led-heavy.

An altered state of consciousness.

Somewhere between being awake and dosing off into sleep.

Somewhere between me and we.

Somewhere in-between.

Transitory.

Transitioning.

Transforming.

Transcending.

Let’s allow Christmas to be what it needs to be for each and everyone of us!

For me, a time of reflection, solitude and presence.