Following an unknown reason from the back of my mind, I decided to write this post in my non-native language. I feel obliged to let you know before you get to read any further that the subject is not an easy one, nor is it a topic you would have no problem bringing up at a family dinner while enjoying your soup together with your significant other, children, relatives and pets.
It’s about the one that got away… but keeps lingering in a corner of your being which has been occupied without the intent of being released any time in the next decade. Call me obsessive, but shit like this happens to all of us. Whether we admit it out loud or hide it in the safest place of our brain, it’s there. If you have trouble putting your finger on the person who meets all of the above stated criteria, please try again later. Maybe your defenses are so strong, that work miracles in saving your from yourselves in times of existential questions.
My very best adviser and critic told me something tres smart when I asked him why do people choose to keep present in their memories someone with whom they feel things got away and are not quite finished. He said that this is part of our human nature and that clinging on to “the one that got away” concept is a way of hoping for the best, because at one point in our lives something inside ourselves sent the message that hooking up with that person will improve considerably our existence.
I tend to believe him without saying necessarily that he is right. He is right, I am left, but it seems we work very good together. How do you keep the one that got away in the back of your life, but not forget him/her? You would do him/her an injustice by allowing your memory to act upon these sequences of your life experience as a merciless Recycle Bin. At the same time, how do you keep the one that got away… away?
You can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need… as a Rolling Stone would say. And this, my friends, is the truest truth of ’em all. No matter what we think that we want, we should without a doubt act upon our needs first and wishes after. Needs such as basic stable attachment, safety, the feeling of home, social status, family. Sometimes our wishes get the best of us, tearing us into endless negotiations between mind, body and soul. I want the moon, stars, sun, planets, black holes, vortexes, comets and undiscovered space. I want it all and I want it now!
Just like a little kid wants a piece of candy…
Does he need it?
Will he feel pleasure after eating it?
Will he feel better on the long-term eating candy everyday?
So he will eventually have to give it up. Cuz it’s not what he needs!
That does not mean that he will stop thinking about what if…
And it’s ok kid, keep on thinking!
This is our greatest gift ever: our inner world in which we can eat as many pieces of candy as we want forever, think of whomever we want in our moments of silence, project fairytales and fantasies. But let us not forget, as one of my 5 year-old students would say: it’s not real, Miss!
I coulda woulda shoulda been more articulate on this topic, but the reality is that I ain’t! I don’t want to leave you all high and dry, so I will list some songs which made me think further about the controversial and quasi taboo subject of the one that got away:
– His words were like heaven in my hurricane;
– And I’ll be happy for you, if you can be happy for me…;
– But if you try sometimes, you might just find you get what you need.
Good night to all the ones that got away… and to all the ones that didn’t! 😉