Once you get married…

Once you get married…


… your whole life will be officially over! You can say “Good-bye!” to all your midnight downtown escapades with your friends. From now on it will be just lovey-dovey stay at home cooking breakfast, brunch, lunch, supper, dinner, snacks, meals for the godparents, grandparents and parents. Any time out you will have will be used wisely for food shopping.

Endless hours lost in commercial centers looking for the milk SHE likes, the bread HE likes, cleaning products and maybe, just maybe some clothes once in a while. Yes, your clothes shopping rituals with your girls/guys will shrivel and die in a great deal of pain. Only to be substituted by grabbing plain T-shirts and tights on your way to the cashier and throwing them on the pile of food and detergents. You really needn’t worry, cuz things will go for the best.

More time spent with your parents and his/her parents. Romantic nights doing dishes, laundry and cleaning every single inch of your “love nest”. Intimate discussions about rent, bills and monthly bank fees. Going to work as a respectable married person, flaunting your wedding band to all your friends and then taking it off when driving, eating, washing hands, writing, breathing, cuz it disturbs you a little bit.

You will eventually forget it on a sink counter, it will slip down the drain and end up in the sewage together with your whole life. You will feel suffocated by so many changes, choked by the person you have become, appalled at the single thought of even bearing/having an offspring with the person that lured you into such a deceiving trap and then it will happen. Two lines. Big belly. Hormones through the roof. Arguing day in and day out. Getting fat due to pregnancy or simply due to beerancy.

Waking up at night in cold sweat thinking about what are you gonna offer to your child. Feeling alone and helpless. Feeling irritated and surrounded by idiots. And one day in the future you will stop for a second, sit down and think out loud: Whatafuck am I doing with my life? Where did I disappear in all this shit?

Well, my darling, irrespective of your gender, you disappeared in moment you gave in to social pressures, personal fears and daily routines letting them shape the way you view yourself, long-term commitment and nonetheless, marriage. So, before you start rambling about the “shitty institution of marriage”, ponder how much of what will go out from your mouth is yours truly and how much comes from other sources that you have managed to “swallow” and not digest them properly… 😉

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